WHY can't a girl get a piece of FRICKIN' candy corn a few days after Halloween?
Yes, I have an obsession. I was denied candy corn this year. And now I want some. No, scratch that. I want the candy pumpkins--known to OCD types like me everywhere as the Mellocreme Pumpkins.
I've searched 3 Rite-Aids and 4 Duane Reades, only to be shut out. The only thing they have are 1/2 off shelves of dusty witches, stale M&M peanuts and fugly baskets. Then I checked many bodegas. SURELY, on a dusty shelf somewhere, I can find a lone bag of candy corn, that's been left behind. Nope. Gone. All gone.

Now I'm left with only one option. Amazon.com. Yes, delivery. Of a bag of candy pumpkins that could be from the dreggs of candy society, the ANTI-Willy Wonka, the candy that didn't sell, the leftover bins of a warehouse left empty, but one box of candy corn. Stale? Perhaps. Dusty? Maybe. But that bag will be all mine.

I need serious help. Wait until you hear about the Bloomingdales Jean Scam.